Dont Should on Me

October 15, 2021

A couple of weeks ago I ordered a new chandelier for our dining room. I hate the idea of spending many hundreds of dollars on light fixtures (though I hear lighting can make a huge impact) and was happy when I found one that was the right size, shape, style AND only $125! Whoop! Husband is currently tackling a multi-step project involving updating our dry bar so I thought I’d attempt to tackle this project by myself. I mean, it can’t be that hard. Power off – white to white, black to black, ground wire. Done! 

Because of Husband’s ongoing project, I already knew which switch on the breaker controlled the light I was going to be working on so I didn’t have to do that annoying flip-a-breaker switch-run-and-look-if-it-turned-off-the-light exercise. But YOU SHOULD DO THAT when working with electricity. Bet you think I learned this the hard way but you’re wrong! The breaker was off and I was able to uninstall the old chandelier without too much trouble.

Next came reading the instructions for the new light. Well, those were largely unhelpful. They kinda looked like IKEA instructions. There is a long downrod that came in three pieces that screw together. Despite many attempts, I still felt like it wasn’t quite right but there wasn’t any other way to make it work, so I threaded the wires through the download and finished assembling the light. Then I realized I had another issue: ground wires. In the light I’d taken down there was only a black and white wire. The junction box had a ground wire, but not the light fixture itself. This new light did have a ground wire. Huh. What do I do now? *Checks the IKEA-esque directions*. Huh. *Wonder what the ol’ YouTubes has to say?* Mmmm. There’s a lot of conflicting information on there and I don’t trust any of them. *Texts husband asking him not to be mad, but please help!* Husband is unable to help me. Well, $*?&%! Now what?! *Calls Dad* he knows All The Things. Like, All The Things! And he knew! I just needed to connect the two ground wires to each other and THEN connect them to the ground screw. Got it! 

I have to admit, it was pretty tricky to install the light with one person – it was a very delicate balancing act but, with the exception of needing my 12 year old to hand me two screws, I was good. I did it! *Steps back to admire handiwork* @#$%#@! It’s way too close to the ceiling. Hmmmm. I email the company to ask if I can buy more downrods. And wait. Meanwhile, I’m all over Social Media bragging about my accomplishment because I’m a badass. 

Aaannnnd then husband gets home and very politely announces he’s going to double check the installation (insert GIANT eyeroll from me — of COURSE because I’m a woman I couldn’t have possibly installed this properly). I hear, “Um, yeah, we have to take this down right away, it’s not installed safely”. (WHUT? More eyerolls — OK dude, whatever). Husband is INCREDIBLY smart and I often struggle with feeling inferior because while I’m smart, I’m nowhere NEAR that smart. And it’s not because he makes me feel less smart, that’s all my own insecurities. Anyway, he studies the downrod situation a bit and with a few waves of his hands, he suddenly makes the downrod the proper length. Huh. How’d you do that? *More handwaving* “Oh, you know, I just put this into that and then this”. Wait, WHAT?! It didn’t come like that! It came with the screws in different places, indicating to me that was how it was supposed to go together. “Nope, you have to do this” *more handwaving*. EYEROLL, BIG SIGH. But I’ve cut the wires because it was short, remember? But when you’re threading wires through a tiny downrod, you can’t splice them. @#$@%#$@ Well, I guess it’s a good thing I only spent $125 on this fixture then, huh? 

Then – “Wait, I have an idea”. Oh yeah Mister Smartypants?! I’m super grumpy at this point, mostly because my pride is hurt. Here I proved him right that women (THIS woman) can’t do this stuff. GRRRRRRR. What’s your idea? “I’m going to re-wire the light”. Oh. Okay. *Still stewing while trying to get dinner on the table before whatever evening activity we have going on that night*. But how are you going to do that? *I’m going to take apart this Romex”. Um, right. 

Well, after a bit of cursing and sweating, Husband basically performed a miracle and rewired the whole dang light AND reinstalled it properly and safely. When he was done and I was snapping a new photo he said, “You don’t have to admit that it wasn’t installed right”. Oh damn straight I do! 

So there ya go! The story of how I am both a badass AND a dumbass!

Sources: Light (it was on sale when I bought it) | Similar Light